France
21st General Hosp.
My wonderful, wonderful Marjorie,
I know I can never tell you in writing all the things I feel today. Have so many feelings running thru me—warm, thrilling, very happy, a little regretful, even a little sad, and a whole lot of the most sincere love for my girl. Some of the feelings contradict each other, but they’re all there.
First of all, I feel so good and warm and happy because I finally got that stack of mail I have been waiting so long for. Gee Honey, I just laid back and read your letters over and over and thought about you and dreamed all this afternoon. It made you seem so very close to actually be in contact with you again—felt almost as if you were here in the room with me. A letter seems such a real thing after having tried to imagine how you were since early last month. Why do I always underestimate you? Your letters always show you to be much more wonderful than I had been thinking of you. Whenever I get a few I fall in love more—not all over again, because I love you very much all the time—but more, because I can’t keep myself believing how nice you are without your letters to prove it.
I received in all 18 letters—all but three from my Bunny and dated from Nov. 4 (!) to Jan. 13. The most recent ones were all V-mail. They do come thru the best and are most practical, but when I’m in a place like this there is nothing like a real letter, where I can see the paper you wrote on and the actual words you wrote. I can’t get over hearing from you, Honey, and love you a thousand times for all the little thoughtful things you do for me. Nobody ever had such a good, cheerful, brave and beautiful wife. I love every crazy little thing she does, even when I have to unwind 9 yards of adding machine paper!!
I feel a little regretful because the last couple of days I have been neglecting you something awful. I have no excuse, Hon; will you forgive me? I’ll promise to write good as often as I can from now on. I have been slowly getting re-civilized here at the hospital, and pass thru moods that even I can’t explain. Maybe I’ve just been peeling off successive layers of the hard mental crust that is necessary at the front. Down under this shell I find I haven’t changed basically. All I’ve ever thought and dreamed is there in good repair. It had gone down a little deeper, tho, and if some of my last letters have lacked sympathy and tolerance and sensitiveness that may be the reason. Everybody gets hard over here—when you can’t think much and have to act decisively, you soon get that way; and after you’ve had a tough time physically, you are not naturally sympathetic toward anything else. Even when I don’t feel that, I can understand that, intellectually. Civilization requires a more pliant, receptive mind than the life we usually have here. I’ll remember that, Honey, and store it way down deep with the other things I believe. Then after the war, we can bring them out to light again. Change is inevitable and desirable, but I am sure I won’t change in any of the things that hold us together, dear, except for the better. There may be some undesirable surface changes, I’m almost sure there will, but after the war we’ll remedy those. Together, I know we can, because I’ll have you to guide myself on and give me a motive. Some of these undesirable things, I can spot already—they range from errors in thinking (intolerance, prejudice, lack of understanding of others’ problems, i.e., I hate the hell out of German soldiers and civilians. I can think about Germany in general O.K., but I just don’t even like to look at an individual German prisoner) to slipshod “G.I.” language or worse, and laxness in personal habits. These last never were very good, but they are even worse now. I think it’s the training I got—my mother insisted on cleaning my fingernails until I was fourteen, and now I feel as tho I was getting away with something if I let them go. Gives me quite a satisfied feeling to decide— “oh, you can let those nails wait til tomorrow,” or “you don’t need a bath now, you had one last month.” You could check with my mother on that—it’s one of the nice little feuds we have. Along with being jealous of Carlton and being at odds over blackheads.
Well, Honey, since I last wrote I have been getting some practical educational experience by conducting two classes or discussions on “Our Postwar Policy with Russia.” I went with a member of the R. & R. dept. to two wards, was introduced as an “expert” on Russian affairs and took over for an hour—a 20-minute talk, then discussion. My full-blown moustache and a newly developed air of “I’m an expert on most anything & quite a man of the world” evidently impressed the powers here to ask me to speak and then carried me thru the classes unscathed. I feel a little like an impostor, but it doesn’t matter and is both amusing and educational for me. I imagine more classes will come my way!
Now I am going to re-read your letters again. Lots of times you mention things I want to talk more about so let’s do it. Some of it is pretty ancient, but what is time with space the way it is?
--Was glad to get the info on Dr. Stoke, UNH president. He does look like Mrs. Ralph, doesn’t he? We’ll have to find the Ralphs again sometime and say hello.
--Got a very interesting series of “election” letters here, Hon. Seems I could almost feel the paper sizzle; first with hope, then muffled anguish as fair-haired Dewey killed all flutters in Republican hearts. Even at this late date, I got a big thrill from the letters. And thought how really excellent it was that our political outlooks differ. That makes us interesting—and will give our children an unbiased basis for their own views. Of course, as an old line Roosevelt man, I indulged in a little vicious glee over the results. Pity tho, if we go thru life nullifying each others vote! Maybe by 1960 you can convince me that Roosevelt just is not the man for the job. Coming up to date, tho, I think the current question over Wallace’s confirmation really is significant. He represents the liberal wing of the Democrats, also the “international” group of Welles—ex-Wilkie—Mrs. FDR—and maybe Winant. You know he’s “my boy.” Glad to see Roosevelt back of him—means he’s decided it’s safe to go liberal again. That’s why I like Roosevelt—he’s conservative when forced to be, but a liberal whenever he can be safely. Looks better for our foreign policy if he can get Wallace & Co. back into operation.
--Yes, I have re-lived our “Terrace Room” experiences many times – “Holiday for Strings” always reminds me of it. I wish I could buy you a whole field of orchids, Honey, and help you pin on each one!! I love you so much.
--Some of the football scores are a little old, but still new to me. K.H.S. [Keene High School] had quite a team, didn’t it? Nice you and Pa could go – and drink wine after. Bet you haven’t had anything like the champagne I’ve had just a little of in France – it’s out of this world.
--Did I tell you how perfect that knit helmet you made for me really was? I wore it for days on end, until people asked me how I used to look before I got it! I still have it, one of the few items I still possess, and one I value very highly. Sentimentally, for one thing – very nice to have “you” so close to me. Also it is warm and yet doesn’t obstruct hearing – which is extremely important. When it is windy, there is a G.I. windbreaker to put on over it. Yes, I wore it the night the mortar knicked [sic] me, and hung on to it for dear life thru the aid stations and evac hospital. Even under morphine I clung to it – tho I did lose my wallet!
--I’ll try to remember to ask for things I need. Here’s a good list. Please send me: socks, handkerchiefs, stationery, a pen, candy, cookies, etc., cigarette case, peanuts, 6-20 film.
--Don’t let me forget Grammie. I think of her a lot, but seldom mention her. Tell her I send love and greetings. She is a wonderful person, one of the very best.
--I’m not half as easy to shock as you expect, Hon. I’m glad you even wanted to go to a Christian Science meeting – about the same time I was going to quite a series of Catholic masses. As you say, they are all varying interpretations of the same thing. All are right in their way, or a least all are good. I don’t think you and I will ever have one organized church that we think is right to the exclusion of others, do you? It may be well to be fairly regular at one church – but it is surely a good and broadening practice to visit others. I find I can be sincere in most any denomination, don’t you? Also your topics and varying activities make me happy rather than amazed – they are so much you, and I love you so much, tho you are a little imp. Always intent on blowing in a “college president’s” ear or something and that is very undignified. You know that, don’t you? Imp?
--Bunny, don’t consider that list on the other page imperative – it’s just so they will have something to see if you have anything you wish to send. You need to show a request, I understand.
--The words to the song “I’m Making Believe” fit as well as “I’ll Walk Alone.” Wish I knew the melody, Hon. Bet it’s good.
--Letter from Pro Christo doesn’t call for any comment. That tenacious periodical “N.H. Troubadour” found me first by 24 hours. That has always come thru when all else failed to reach me. In Georgia, Kentucky, Texas, and the greater countries of Europe.
It is bedtime now and I’m just ready to start on a Jan. 1 letter. I’ll go to bed and cover 1945 tomorrow. We have spent today very close together, dearest, so I’m counting on dreaming of you all nite, too. That’s good, you’re my favorite dream. Here’s a hundred kisses and all the love you can use. We’ll sleep real close tonight, ummmm?
All my love, always,
Wallace’s
Next morning
Wow! It never rains but it pours. When I got back from physiotherapy this morning, I found two Xmas packages from you waiting for me. I thought I had already received all my packages, but this was like Xmas all over again, and I enjoyed it as much. These two boxes, a little beat up, were the ones that had the camera and stationery, and toilet articles, remember? Your intuition must have been working overtime and in advance when you packed them, because they perfectly filled all the requests I could make. In case I haven’t said so before, Hon, you’re very wonderful. The stationery and stamped envelopes you can see were badly needed. The pretty brown mottled cigarette pack case is worth its weight in gold here – I had lost my German souvenir case and was simply doing without one. The toilet articles and case is a necessity, too – I have been using an old cardboard box for what articles I have. The Ernie Pyle book was one I have been wanting to read, and thanks a million for the little Xmas tree and candle Santa! I am eating the candy and peanuts now, spoiling my appetite for dinner and not caring a bit. I’ll take some pictures with the camera while I am at the hospital, then try to hang on to it when I get out. It will be a long process getting film developed and back to you, but I’ll get it started as soon as I can, Hon. Thanks for the cigarettes and soap, tho they aren’t as scarce now as they were – how did you get the cigarettes with the shortage I hear of in the States? Hope I didn’t deprive you of any, dearest. Honest. You sent little wafers to Lt. Young, Olewine, Fairbairn, and Bukovinac. Olewine and Bukovinac are no longer in the company. I’ll try to get Young’s and Capt. Fairbairn’s delivered and I’ll give the others to Lt. Ference, an ex-paratrooper who reminds me of Justin and who has the 1st platoon now; and if I can I’ll give Lt. Trusley, the southerner who replaced Olewine, the other. Lt. Forchielli, by the way, got mixed up in a complicated situation during one engagement and is standing courts-martial for misconduct. I will be a witness, I think, for his defense.
How strange it is—Lt. O’Brien (Obie, the road man) has been reclassified (finally) to Adjutant General’s office and is T.G.A.--prosecuting attorney—against Forchielli. I hope they don’t hang anything on Gino—he wasn’t much of a combat leader but he meant well and was a good guy. After Ingram had been with us long enough to get “combat experience” on his West Point record, his knee—the one that he said was not reason for reclassification in the U.S.--suddenly became a reason for that when things got a little rough. So now he is away somewhere with a record and a nice non-combat job and a brilliant future as a professional officer. Pardon me while I remark that I’m glad we never got along—makes me think I know how to pick my friends.
I can tell you a little about where I have been, if I haven’t already. I was in the vicinity of Bitche for some time. Then a rest at Mulcey, then just recently I was north of Strasbourg—near Bishwiller and Bloody Herrlisheim. Flat country – in the Rhine valley. You should have little trouble following me now, because the fact that the 12th is here has now been released to the papers. I am sure to re-join them as soon as I leave the hospital, and I don’t believe that will be more than a week. Nobody has mentioned leaving, but I’m getting pretty healthy you see. Today I had a treatment that showed all the nerves in my left arm to be O.K., so that checks about everything.
On the 23rd or 24 of Decemeber for a brief moment I thought the war might be about over. Reason: a written order to prepare for a mass surrender. It was a false alarm, but exciting at the time. I’ll enclose the note on it I received [nothing included]. Make a good souvenir of the incident, huh? All that came of it was that we held our fire while Jerry dug in a little deeper! I was in a good spot, tho, and if it had panned out, I think the entire German army would have surrendered to me, personally!
Now to get on with re-reading your letters-
-Sounds like a fairly nice New Year’s Eve and Day under the circumstances. I’m glad again that you and my folks are able to have good time together. I know my father thinks you’re tops and he’s a good judge, as is his son, namely, your husband. Say, it’s good to see ol’ Bob coming out of his shell. Dancing, formal dances, different girls—swell. I bet he could have any girl he wants now. Always said he’d be terrific if he wanted to be. He’ll probably survey the field deliberately and find just the right one. The folks seem very relieved over his statement of policy concerning Lorna. He’s something of a lone hand (I was going to say wolf, but it might have a wrong innuendo) but he’ll do what he wants in his own way. I trust his judgment.
-I had a lot of fun over the Tenn. v. S. Cal. “Bowl Game.” Lt. Trusley is from Tenn. and how we ribbed him over it.
-I can go to the boundary of “psychological ailments” with the Christian Scientists, but can’t see the complete mental healing of physical injuries—say like that cut in my arm. Take a good mind to believe it wasn’t there. Or am I misunderstanding C.S.?
-Sure hope you get a chance to teach music appreciation in Westmoreland. That should be wonderful fun and worthwhile experience. You start KTC [Keene Teachers College] again this month, don’t you? Be sure to tell me all about it, should be an interesting experience from many angles. See how your outlook has changed, how the school has developed, how others look at you. Hope it is profitable for you, dearest.
-Imagine birth control is a very likely subject for young wives to talk about. Don’t know who has a better reason, do you?
-Also I like to have you a dress designer! I think it fits you better than rehabilitation work or languages or even history study! It seems to come naturally to you, and you make it look easy to turn out very good works. It’s a thing you do spontaneously—might even be your natural field. If you win the prize and become a noted designer, I want you to remember that I was your first and most enthusiastic fan! Never could decide whether I liked you best with or without your dresses. Hmmm? Don’t hit me with that lampshade, I say. Just wanted to emphasize the fact that your dresses are very nice. And you, too. I hope you will always want to be “just” my wife, Hon, and I’ll do all I can to make you happy at that. I don’t care what else you are, or how many things you take up.
-Got your “sassy” V-mail and also Ma’s “revenge” form. I didn’t mean to include you on any cracks I made about V-mail, for yours are always clear and well-used, no foolin’! But Ma’s robust effort at rebuttal came through stamped “Not suitable for filming” “Damaged” and with wire fasteners holding it together. I laughed and laughed. Ma’s soaring spirit just cannot be held within such bounds! Anyway, she doesn’t have to say anything for me to enjoy her letters, it’s the spirit of the thing. Wish she wasn’t quite so worried about me as she seems.
-Now we come to the 9-yard “ticker-tape” letter. I was amazed, to say the least. Just laid back tho and read every last word, not once but several times, and I’m not done yet. I have plenty of time now. It came through without any trouble—your mail to me can be censored, but it never, never is, so you can write anything your heart desires without fear of the scizzor-man.
You must put in some hard days with that adding machine! Don’t overdo, Bunny. I love you very much for wanting to work tho—it’s for us and may mean more than we know when the time comes. We have so many things to do, and the bigger boost we have to start the farther we can go and, the easier we can make it.
Thanks in advance for the Valentine you mentioned sending. I guess we both know the full meaning of waiting for mail. You, better than I, I admit. I do wish it would get to you as fast as possible and as regularly as I can send it. We both know now that you just have to wait it our patiently. I always have faith that it will come in time, and am as philosophical about it as possible.
-When we return to Abilene to snub the “Wootan,” we’ll see what Muzzleblast grew into. Sgt. Vaught, the man who gave him to us, cracked up and was transferred out of the company.
Strange for me to imagine Mrs. Woodbury still talking in her incessant drone. How can she still be at it? And “Chuck.” I hadn’t thought of him in a long time. What’s he doing now? To imagine life at the front, invert completely all that Chuck represents and that would be it, I think.
-Very interested in all the people you named. The only reason you were with Cecil at Nashua was that I had to leave early to be in a track meet. Must be! So Virginia Ware and Arlene Ames are to be wed. Both names recall a pile of adolescent memories. Those were exciting days. Jeff used to go with Virginia some, after Margaret W. Remember leaving him at her doorstep after a dance and then driving off—and he was sore because he had to walk home. Thought we were doing him a favor! And Arlene has forsaken me—probably decided I was unfaithful or something. May they all be as happy as we are! I really hope so.
Then you told me of the jobs of Don Shedd, Bob Chase, Cook, Farr, and Gaines. What a list, almost made me wonder who besides me is shooting bullets in this war. That’s a bad and unfair thought, tho. Guess it’s inevitable that we look askance at anything more “rear echelon” than the company C.P.. Because we are both envious and like to make ourselves seem more manly or what have you, than those back further. I know it takes everybody to win a war. Just one of those snap judgments we get used to making—a natural, protective one. But vicious if you don’t watch it.
– Honey, I knew long ago about how you feel about childbirth, and I shall keep it always in mind. Sympathetically, for it is so easy to understand in view of your past. I don’t think we need to worry about it tho, if we just recognize the fear as there and rationally do what we can to give it its proper importance. Everybody is frightened to some extent at the thought of giving birth, but it shouldn’t become an unreasonable fear. I still hope we broke it down a little last summer, but if not, that’s all right. We’ll wait until we are ready for children, then it won’t seem so hard. We don’t need even to think much about it now. It’s one of the things we’ll take in stride together when the time comes. We do have many things to do before the time is right for us to have children. Those things are important, but not important enough to last a lifetime. Raising a family, if it’s only one or two children, is one of the greatest and most satisfying and enduring accomplishments any couple could contemplate. Yes, I want children, without any doubt, but as in working or a career, I want to go slowly and build it solidly all around. I’d bust every button on my shirt to be the father of your child; I don’t want to be away fro you a second before it is born and I don’t think I could keep away from you and the baby a second after it was born. But all that will be only when and if you want to bear a child, Honey. You’re always my wife and the most important person in the world to me. You come first, and all this after.
– Pa has a tendency to get working too hard. Try to get him to take it easy—I am in favor of the “mellowing up” he has seemed to go thru recently.
– Bouquets to Margaret D. on her scholarship.
– I don’t know anything about Latin America, politically. Who we going to fight down there? Don’t think they would be too much opposition, but then, we thought that about Japan. Never wanted to do my world traveling in a halftrack, tho.
– Would like to be in on a folk dancing lesson or two. Bet it’s fun.
– That brings us up to Jan. 13, which isn’t so very long ago. So I will close now, Honey. I feel as tho I had been right with you these last two days. I am surrounded now with things that remind me of you, and I say “I love you, Hon,” every time I touch one of them. If we can be so close now, think how near we will get when we are together again. I am so happy to know you have not changed and I know that nothing can ever change me and my love for you. We will just go on being the very best and happiest and understanding and interesting couple in all the world. Every night I take you in my arms and hold you tight, (someday I’m afraid I’ll just squeeze too hard), and kiss you. Then I put your head on my shoulder and run my fingers thru your hair, and we go to sleep together after just a few more kisses.
I love you always,
Wallace.
P.S. (later) He: I’d like a cup of coffee without cream.
She: Sorry, no cream.
He: Well, can I have a cup of coffee without milk?
